How To Choose Your Best Man

You brought the ring, she said yes, you’ve set the date and (no doubt) she’s already started to scrapbook and plan. Excellent, things are being put in motion; now you can relax right? Wrong: you’ve got to pop the question (so to speak) to one more person. So read on for our top tips and considerations you have in front of you.

You’ve got to ask one of your mates to be your best man.

Now most blokes tend to pick their best mate, and there’s nothing wrong with that but it is your wedding day at stake here (read: if you screw this up, your bride will never forgive you) so even if your mate "X" does an awesome gorilla impression and can drink his own body weight in beer, it doesn’t mean he’s capable of keeping your guests organised and entertained, or help take your nana to the loo because everyone else is wasted and too busy doing a conga line. So to make your life easier, we've come up with our 10 top tips on how to pick your best man.

1) Before asking potential candidates, think about your mates strengths and weaknesses

Like I said earlier, your mate "X" might be a good laugh but he might not be the right choice as best man. Because aside from organising an awesome stag weekend for you, the best man is also responsible for keeping the ushers in check, writing (and reading out) the best man’s speech, entertaining your guests and generally making sure that everyone plays nice.

They will have to book your stag do accommodation and balance 16-ish people in an organised manner. Sure, we can help with a lot of the process, but you still need someone to take the lead and ideally that will be the best man.

So if you're not sure your potential best man can do all of that, then it might be best to reconsider who you choose.

2) Don’t fall into the family trap

Family is grand, but make sure you don’t get bullied into giving the position to a family member just because everyone expects you to. Unless of course it’s your cousin Joe who owns a boat in the Tenerife - in which case it’s a no brainer!

Seriously though, it’s your stag party and your wedding so unless your brother/cousin/uncle is trustworthy and reliable then don’t let your folks guilt trip you into it.

Even more bizarre, it has become a more common trend to make your partners brother a best man, which often doesn't make sense for the hubby-to-be. Make him part of the inner group, but he shouldn't be your best man unless he's exactly that.

3) Pick your best man early on in the process

This seems simple enough but the amount of times we’ve heard of blokes putting it off and then forgetting about it happens more often than you think. So make sure you pick your best man early on in the process so you know who’s got your back right from the start.

The average groom let their best man know they were 'the one' 12 months in advance, while most people start booking the stag do 6 months in advance, with the planning process really starting from the moment they find out they're in charge and being trusted with such an important step in your life.

4) Make sure your best man and the future missus have met and get along

Hopefully you’d have sorted this out before the wedding planning but just in case you haven’t - GET THIS SORTED. If they haven’t met, get them together for a meal and introduce the two. After all it’s your best mate and your future wife here; it’s in everyone's best interests for them to get along (especially yours).

We’re not saying they have to be BFF’s or anything but if your best mate and your fiancé don’t get along, then prepare for some turbulence till death do you part.

You could always try to arrange a double date, or potentially a fun activity so you can all bond. Try something during the day without booze initially, even if it ends with a wild night.

5) Make sure they know what kind of stag you want

The best man has got to know you like the back of his right hand (ok... maybe not that well).

He’s got to know what activities you like, what you're sh*t scared of and, based on that information, be able to organise and book the king of all stag weekends.

This means he’s going to have to be reliable, semi-organised (read: sober and able to use Google) and persistent enough to shepherd the drunken stags from place to place without losing anyone. Not as easy as it sounds, believe us.

If you follow these simple steps and combine some common sense then you shouldn’t have a problem. Chances are it won’t go horribly wrong but even if it does you’ll have the best man to help you sort things out and get things back on track.

Work out initially where you would like to celebrate. Would you prefer the ease of staying in the UK and avoiding the airport or are you excited to head somewhere exotic? Are you opting for a cheaper location with low-cost pints, or is somewhere sunny a key priority. It's critical you work this all out beforehand and feed it back to the best man. 

The same goes for activities, look through our extensive list and work out both what you would and wouldn't like to do and make sure they know, so they don't start picking based on their interests. Because trust us, many people will pick based on what they would enjoy, rather than what the groom would love.

6) Make It Special

Why do women get to have all the fun? I'm not saying you have to get down on one knee and slip an onion ring on his fingers, but you can have some fun in asking your mate to be your best man. You could also video the moment you ask him, so you've got a funny moment to share on Facebook.

7) Don't Pick The Moaner

We all have some friends who will bend over backwards for us, and others that are...Well...Useless. If they're going to moan throughout the whole process and not appreciate the position they have been given, then they don't deserve to be called your best man. They should be thrilled at the opportunity and be planning out your mad weekend instantly.

8) Let Them Know Potential Dates

It's important to let them know when things are going to occur, so they know when they need to start planning. From the wedding to the stag do, they need to have a complete idea of how long they have to get it all sorted and when they need to start contacting all your mates.

9) Let Them Know Your List

Don't expect them to know all of the people you want to bring, regardless of how long you've known them. Work out your list of attendee's and pass this on to them. Just as importantly, let them know the people who didn't quite make the cut, so they don't awkwardly mention something to them, which would lead to that person guilt tripping you about not inviting them to the stag do.

10) If It's A Woman, Why Not

Sure, the term is 'best man', but this is 2020, who cares if they're a guy or a girl, it's your best mate in the world. There are some great traditions, but there are also plenty that are seriously outdated and you shouldn't feel awkward about picking a woman to be your 'best man'.

So I hope you liked our list of tips and advice on how to pick your best man! Let us know in the comments below.