How to Plan the Best Stag Weekend

Right, you've accepted the invitation of best man and you're thinking that you really want to make this stag weekend way better than Nick's boring and quite bizarre outing to Madame Tussauds, followed by an air hockey championship at the Trocodero... what was he thinking? In fact, this one might earn you a place in the history books as the Don Corleone of stag weekends.

You need to get a plan together and something that doesn't keep you at home when everyone else is down the pub getting wrecked. Maximum gain for minimal effort sounds like a no brainer, so we need to sort out a plan and there is no time like the present.

If you get the planning right from the start you can sit back and enjoy all the trappings of being on tour, with your mates, abroad and with no other thoughts other than thinking about whose round it is next.

Here are the Five Golden Commandments to planning the ultimate stag weekend.

Who

You first need to decide who you want to invite. Obviously, they need to be friends of the stag, but trawling through his Facebook and inviting Christopher Jones from school is probably not the best idea.

This should be pretty simple, keep numbers to an elite squad of like minded individuals, preferably people you know, rather than wacky Christopher who the stag sees once in a blue moon. Don't be pressurised by the fact that their parents are friends, you're in charge now so flex those guns.

Talking of guns and getting the mix of people spot on, or in this case two individuals in particular. I organised a particularly awesome stag weekend to Riga and whilst we were all leering at the table top dancers the stag's brother ended up cracking off with one of our mates. The next thing I know I'm organising my very first gay stag weekend.
Guest list... check!

What

Although best man, being in charge of organising your mate of 20 years' last weekend of debauchery should be about sending him off (or up) in style. However, we all know that it's a great excuse for you to satisfy your selfish nocturnal needs in strip clubs.

A stag weekend will not be complete without the customary visit to a titty bar, we'll come onto that later... literally, but there needs to be an equal balance between night crawling and daytime adrenaline.

If blasting paintballs into faces of unsuspecting targets doesn't float your boat then wherever you decide you will have the choice of formula one go-karting, shooting with AK47's, simulated skydiving and loads more.

The more Xtreme the better. You need to make sure that the adrenaline is fully pumping, so much so that it needs to be distinguished by gallons of beer, shots and that all important body watching.
Activities... check!

When

This is a real simple one.

Long gone are the days of stag weekends ending hours before the wedding, with the stag waking up naked on the red eye to Gatwick with an economy ticket to Tenerife hidden where the sun doesn't shine.

Plan the weekend a few months before the stag's special day, which leaves enough time for him to forgive you for tying him naked to a park bench with a couple of strategically placed open packets of bird seed. Which variety do you think he picked up first?

A naked stag is often a horrific site so please consider the local fancy dress shop or childhood cartoon heroes - Captain Caveman, Hong Kong Phooe or Tushe Turtle for instance.

Stag weekends aren't season based but are reliant on when the wedding is scheduled. But don't worry come Spring, Summer, Autumn or Winter I can guarantee that there is a weekend never to be forgotten.
Date... check!

Where

Again simple, but you have two ways of making a decision.

You can choose the city that you've always wanted to sample, Prague in the exotic east, the smouldering sexuality of Barcelona, Paris – now no one can dispute the allure of the French accent or a bit of homegrown British Bournemouth.

Or, get yourself a map of Europe, stick it onto a wall and hold a drawing pin in whichever hand takes your fancy. Close your eyes, spin around once and then stick the tail on the donkey, or in this case choose your destination of choice.

There is probably one niggling factor that is burning itself right across your bonce and that is... if we go abroad then there is no way that the missus is going to find out about what's her name; blimey I actually don't think she even had a face. What goes on tour, stays on tour, right?

Right!

Don't forget, you and your mates have spent every waking moment since the age of puberty trying to mount everything in every British city you've visited.

Although I'm all for supporting the British economy, going abroad gets my vote every time. Besides, anywhere will have better weather than England, the booze and fags are cheaper, and the women are... foreign, which means you sound like Hugh Grant in Notting Hill and no female can refuse you're wit and charm.
Destination... check!

A stag weekend does what it says on the tin. It's a weekend of pure madness when grown men are reduced to babbling fools and everyone wears corrective beer goggles.

Its like kitchen scales, too short and people are still craving one more day or too long and everyone is an extra from Dawn of the Living Dead. The weekend should not be an endurance race so the usual three days is a winner.
Number of days... check!

Follow the Five Golden Commandments and I promise you'll be the king of all your mates and the stag weekend will be talked about for decades to come. You might not be the bride's best friend but then again I bet you never were. At the end of the day you know you've planned yourself one hell of a holiday.