Lap Dancing Legislation

Lap dancing clubs are a staple part of any stag diet so why would anyone want to deny us the nutritional good-for-you experience that is seeing a beautiful lady showing off the talents God gave her? Well apparently there is and there’s no surprise it’s to do with those pesky councils and most probably people who have never set foot inside a lap dancing club. From those who haven’t avidly been following this great injustice against these brilliant establishments, I’ll fill you in on the details.

Currently lap dancing clubs are licensed the same as a bar or cafe, but for some reason there’s an argument to change the classification to a “sex  encounter establishment”, meaning stricter licensing and making it more difficult for these adult fun houses to be approved.

But don’t worry, these places aren’t going down without a g-stringed struggle and our Batman and Robin in this fight against out of touch laws takes the form of legend Peter Stringfellow and Simon Warr, the chairman of the Lap dancing association. We didn’t even know there was an association lap dancing, but we’ve put our applications in the post and are hoping to get at least a badge and a membership card.

Both men were giving evidence last month at a hearing about changing the classification of lap dancing clubs to the Commons Culture Committee and we raise our hats to their efforts. Faced with some hard nosed MPs demanding that councils have greater power to shut the clubs down, Mr. Warr explained it in very simple terms.

“Our premises are not sexually stimulating”

What?

Even we were slightly furrowing our brows. Was he talking about something else? Had he got muddled up and thought he was thinking about supermarkets? The Committee was dubious and scoffed at Mr. Warr but fortunately Pete was there to step in and shine light on the matter.

"Of course it's sexually stimulating. So is a disco. So is a little girl flashing away with her knickers showing. Of course it's sexually stimulating. So is David Beckham laid out in his Calvin Klein [underwear]. So are the Chippendales. Of course it does have some form of sex.

"But what my colleague was trying to explain was that it's not sex, 100%. It's not 'I'm going to go and get divorced.' It does not go on like that.

"Our environment lasts three minutes. Their clothes are on and off before you can blink. It's a lot more to do with personality. It's a lot more to do with the ambience of the club."

Ahhhh, of course, we understand now.  We are hoping that because of his age Mr. Stringfellow classes a “little girl” as someone post 18, and as any self respecting patron of a lap dancing club knows it’s all about the personality.

Check out some of the great lap dancing clubs in our destinations and you’ll experience fist hand the wonderful personality of these girls. And best do it quick just in case those wicked councils get their way (the licensing law hasn’t been changed for now!)